Meant To Live
by Dimbalethren
Summary: Jack and Kate accidentally find out more about each other than they wanted to reveal. (This is my first Lost fic - feedback is greatly appreciated!)
1. Chapter 1

**Meant to Live**

"How was your day, Doc?" Kate asked him as soon as he sat beside her.

"Busy," he told her at length.

Both of them don't talk much during their sunset meetings. Since their second evening on the island, the night Jack had told her that everyone deserved a second chance, Kate had come to the same shelf of beach at sunset to escape. Jack had been doing the same thing, although he would come later in the evening, watching the stars. Eventually, both of them would come every evening, hardly talking at the beginning. Sometimes, they would talk about what had happened during the day. Since that first evening, neither of them talked about the past.

"Busy?" she prompted.

He sighed. "I checked up on Claire, gave her some vitamins. Walt started telling me Vincent had the colds.. I don't know anything about dogs," he chuckled. "I figure if I tell him to feed the dog regularly and give him exercise, he'd be okay. Kid seemed to take it though. Had a couple games of Frisbee this afternoon"

She smiled. "Well, it seems like you had a good time,"

He chuckled, as if remembering something. "Yeah, I did."

"How about you? How's the signal coming along? Any progress?"

She sighed. "I think we're doing okay. At least Sayid seemed to think so," she told him.

"You don't believe him?" he asked, looking directly at her. She gave a small shrug. "He's the communications guy," she told him by way of explanation.

"You can't blame the guy for trying, though,"

"Trying what?"

He looked at her, eyes intense. "For keeping our hope alive."

Why- _how_- could he do that? It confused her that with half sentences and silences he seemed to know her so well. And it baffled her that he was always the first person she turned to for anything, ever since that first day. She never did that, even before the crash. She thought he might be doing the same with her. She just couldn't be too sure.

"Hope's an expensive thing right now," she commented.

"Funny you should talk about currency here," he added, standing up and tossing a piece of shell into the sea.

She gave him a sidewise look. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, stranded in an island, there's nothing left to do but hope: hope for food, hope for shelter, hope for good weather.. hope that we didn't fall out of the sky straight into Jurassic Park.." he tossed another shell in the sea, and dusted off his pants. "So, there's a lot to hope for. It's the only thing we have left." He looked at the horizon, and then at the campfire in the distance. "We should start heading back." he told her, holding out his hand to pick her up.

Later on it occurred to her that he didn't mention hoping for a rescue.

* * *

He opened his eyes, and the first thing he noticed was the crick in his neck. The second thing he thought of was that the must've rolled off the tarp he used as a mattress and ended up on the ground. 

The first thing he learned about survival here was acceptance. He remembered that.

He had forcefully stopped himself every time he caught himself thinking of things he'd left behind: a bed, running water, hot showers, flushing toilets.. Even the awful gunk that passed as coffee at the hospital lounge. Every time he thought of what he had and lost; people he loved and missed.. The first thing that kept him from losing grip was the first instinct: _people need me._

Next thing he always did was the mental checklist he had of all the survivors on the island, how many were sick, how much medicines he had left, how much he had to ration. Claire needed to be checked up on first; she was due any day. He rubbed the back of his neck and got ready for the day. He stepped out of the cave and started.

His eyes scanned the groups of people milling about. Until he found her, he didn't realize he had been looking for her. She lifted her head in acknowledgment, and moved back to the trees helping Sayid with the firewood.

He did the same; it was their morning ritual. She was secretive and wary by nature, and they hardly got into each other's way the entire day. He understood the feeling of not wanting too much time for yourself: it was just too much time to think. Too much time to brood.

It wasn't as if she was the only one with a past.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sawyer pick something from the ground and head into the forest where Kate and Sayid had gone. He narrowed his eyes and started to think of going into the forest himself.

"Good morning, Doc." Hurley approached him, huffing.

"Hey man," he said, turning instantly to the other man. "What's going on?" he asked.

* * *

"It's not like people don't know, you know," a voice said wryly behind her. 

Instantly she stiffened, knowing who it was behind her. She also knew that Sayid wouldn't be anywhere to be found, which is exactly how Sawyer would've planned it.

"Know _what_, Sawyer?" she asked him, wishing he would just make his comment and go away.

He shrugged and leaned against a tree, relaxed and smug while she dragged palm branches and firewood.

"Sawyer, do yourself a favor and just leave." she huffed and deliberately swung a branch in his direction, much like trying to swat a fly.

His eyes narrowed and then he grinned. He waited her out, because sooner or later she'd be asking.

She stopped. "What?"

"It's not like people don't know about you and Jacko, you know."

"Know _what_, Sawyer? Because last time I looked, everyone else was just trying to survive, and you're the only one who bothers with gossip."

He raised an eyebrow. "You and the hero. There's gotta be something there, Freckles. Those long walks, the teamwork thing you've got going on."

She stood, and narrowed her eyes. "It's none of your business."

"Just exactly how much do you know about our fearless leader, Kate? How much do you really know about his life outside?"

He tossed her an object, and she caught it on the fly. Again, he grinned. "I betcha you played ball when you were a kid, huh? A catch like that comes from instinct.

Oh, and you're welcome," he added before he turned into the trees. "You're not the only one with secrets, Kate. You and me, we're more alike than you know. It's the quiet types that end up being bastards." He told her over his shoulder as he disappeared into the trees.

She knew what it was before even looking at it: the glint of gold and the hard, round shape of it cold in her hand:

_To Sarah, who saved me in all the ways I could be saved. Always, Jack._

_

* * *

_

**Just a quick shoutout**: thanks for the feedback.You all were more generous than I expected (I expected a non-response, haha). I was nervous in writing the characters because so far where I live we've only seen the first four episodes. All the character nuances so far are derived from the way I see the actors in their roles. I've also cut the last part from the first edit to become the second chapter. So, some notes regarding your questions:

**Alexis Rockford**: It's not the end; I plan for it to be longer. And thanks for the suggestion on a beta reader. I am _so _unfamiliar with the format that I'm just testing the waters right now. Thanks again. :)

**JerseyGrl00320**: Yes, it's my first fic here on Fanfiction (sheepish) Most of the time I just keep them in my hard drive. But for some reason _Lost _got my imagination going, so I kept at it.

**Jess**: Yes, I named it after the _Switchfoot _song. I was listening to it being looped on my mp3 player and I realized how true it was to where I wanted the story to go. That, and titles are always my Waterloo in story writing. :)

Thanks to **Teyla Sheppard, I'mjustducky, sweetlikechocolate, CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88 and thedramasummer** for the encouragement.


	2. Chapter 2

"Having better sleep lately?" Jack asked her a week later, plopping down beside her on the beach at sunset. He hadn't been seeing her lately, he assumed she turned in early for the evening each time. It worried him, this sudden taciturnness in her nature. He wanted to bring it up, but sensed that she'd say nothing, or worse, tell him something _was_ wrong. So he let it go.

She shrugged. "Um, yeah, I guess. We've been working pretty hard recently." she told him, staring out into the sun. "We get an early head start, chopping firewood and getting water. Then we boil the water, and I help out with getting food-"

"Kate, relax. You don't have to tell me about everything you do in a day. I get that you're busy, and you do most of the day to day chores here. I get it." He told her simply.

"It explains my day, I just wanted to say," she clarified. What is _wrong_ with her? She mentally berated herself.

He was thinking the same himself. Ask one question, and he either got no reply, or the floodgates opened. No halfway for Kate, he noticed.

"So, yeah, I'm pretty tired at the end of the day," she added lightly, trying to salvage the light mood she had ruined.

"Well, I'm glad you're finally getting some sleep," he commented.

"Why, are you checking up on me now too, Jack?" she asked wryly.

"It's second nature," he said softly. "Being a doctor, you know," he clarified.

She smiled. "Well, save the concern for the others. I can take care of myself," I _always take care of myself_, she told herself firmly. She had been close to wanting to make something resembling a relationship with Jack- a friendship, even,- but the ring was weighing heavily in her back pocket even then.

He shifted, adjusted his position beside her in the sand so that both of them were looking out into the horizon, yet his head was leaning towards her.

"You're one of the hardest working people here, Kate. It wouldn't hurt if you eased off a bit."

"Is that the doctor talking, or the tribe leader?" She asked him sarcastically.

He stiffened. They both knew that him being a doctor had immediately put him into a position of leadership in the island. He was never comfortable with the role, much like wearing an ill-fitting coat. As a result, he kept mostly to himself, dealing largely only on medical concerns that the survivors had. But, people still kept on coming, asking for help. He did as much as he could, and eventually resigned himself to just dealing with it.

"As a doctor, and as a person," he replied. "It doesn't take a genius to see that too much work with limited food drains your body's resources. Didn't you watch _Survivor?" _

_Not much TV when you're on the run_, an inner voice told her. "I don't watch much TV," she said instead.

He raised an eyebrow at that, then shrugged. "Well, don't overdo it. The cops won't come to take you away just because you're working too hard."

It was her turn to be wary. "Sorry," he added, realizing what he said.

"Well, same goes for you, Jack. Don't obsess over people, okay?" She told him. "I should ask you the same question; 'How have you been sleeping lately?'"

_I don't sleep much._ "As much as I need," he told her.

It was her turn to raise her eyebrows. "Cause it doesn't seem like you're taking your own advice.

Don't worry about me, Jack. I'm fine. Just take care of the rest of them. Do us a favor and don't get sick yourself, okay?" She stood up, brushed the sand off her legs. "Cause we wouldn't know where the hell to begin if you got sick."

It was the closest thing she could tell him. She took a step back, and turned to leave. "I gotta go turn in."


	3. Chapter 3

"Jack?" a voice behind him asked hesitantly.

He turned and faced a worried looking Charlie. "What is it, Charlie?" He asked politely, schooling his face to look neutral. He resisted the urge to be impatient. Hell, to _sound_ impatient. one of the things his father had warned him about medicine was that he would never be _not_ needed: it simply would not be possible. Over the years he had trained himself for it; even expected it.

But it could be such a _bitch_ sometimes.

"Um, listen. I'm worried about Claire-"

"What is it? Is she hurt, or something?" he asked worriedly, already bending to pick up his bag and run.

"No, no. It's not that. She's fine," the other man responded, hands gesticulating wildly. Jack made a mental note to keep watch on Charlie. The man showed signs of anxiety attacks and temperament- normal in crash/trauma victims- but he also wanted to keep watch for possible signs of withrawal- either drugs or alcohol. Or both. So far Charlie only exhibited signs of hyperactiveness and nervous energy. Jack knew Charlie long enough to understand that was normal. But he couldn't be too sure.

_Focus on the problem at hand, _a voice inside his head sternly told him. A voice, he realized, that sounded suspiciously like his father's.

Charlie kept on talking about Claire wanting to stay on the beach instead of going further inland where the others are.

"I've tried everything," Charlie continued. "She should be moving inside- the beach isn't safe for her, it's too hot, and too far away to ask for help if she and the baby needs one."

"Okay," Jack told Charlie, both of them walking out of the cave.

"I'm thinking maybe, you know, being the doc and all-" Charlie paused. "Maybe if it came from you, she'd go."

Jack smiled inwardly to himself.

"She's gotten it into her head she wanted to be first to see anyone from the rescue ships.." At this, Charlie trailed off, not wanting to go on. Jack understood what he meant. They've been on the island almost two weeks.

"Okay," he told the other man. Jack picked up what served as his medical bag: a backpack with basic antiseptics and gauze, a water bottle, some aspirin. He turned to the fidgeting Charlie. "Why don't you fill me in on the rest while we're on our way?" he asked companionably.

* * *

"Hey, Bossman-" Hurley hurried over to Jack, puffing slightly. He had been helping out in moving luggage and whatnot further inland, and it was almost noon.

"Hi Hurley, what's going on?" Having finished checking up on Claire and her health, he agreed with Charlie that moving inland _was_ a good idea. He told Claire that himself, and she seemed to have taken his advice. More often than not, the reason for her stubbornness had nothing to do with being difficult. Being in her condition, he told Charlie the best way to get her inland was to take a light approach. Push comes to shove, they'd bring her in. For the meantime, he knew Charlie would keep a watchful eye on her.

"Yeah-" Hurley continued, still out of breath.

"Hey- have you taken any water while working?" Jack asked worriedly, automaticalky shifting the backpack off his shoulders to open the zipped pocket where he kept water bottles.

"That'd be great, thanks-" Hurley gratefully took the bottle and drank.

"So, what's on your mind?" Jack asked, leaning against a tree trunk while Hurley sat down on a stump.

"Uh, yeah. I was helping out with the luggage and stuff, and I think these are yours-" Hurley took out a small bag he carried with him, and a watch. "I mean, it had some sort of tag in it, you know- 'J.S, M.D.'. It's embroidered, and I think these must be yours."

Jack fought the surge of emotion that came over him in seeing the bag. It had been one of those shaving kit things that someone had thought to have embroidered as a gift - for no occassion- while he started out as a doctor. He rarely ever used it- God knew he hardly travelled- but for this trip, somehow, he had shoved toiletry in there instead of stuffing them in the compartments of his luggage.

It was a reminder of _home_.

"Jack? Hey Jack?"

Jack realized that he hadn't reached out for the bag. "Sorry, man, I just got spaced out. Um, yeah, it's mine. It has my shaving kit and stuff-" he took the bag and unzipped it.

"Thanks. I mean it. I can use the spare razors, and oh God! My toothbrush!" Now he grinned. Thanks, man. Really."

"Hey, I'm glad I helped," Hurley shrugged, but smiled.

"The razors could be useful for surgery- Some of the ones I'm using aren't sharp enough- I can't believe I even put Band-Aids in here-"

"Please, no talk of cutting and sewing human flesh, okay?" Hurley interrupted, holding up a hand.

Jack stopped and smiled in spite of himself. Hurley looked like he was about to turn green. "Sorry, Hurley. I guess I just forgot myself." He grinned again, and put the shaving kit inside his backpack.

"Let's just not talk about it, how about that?" Hurley said, still looking sick.

"It's a deal."

"But, um- I think the watch's busted. I thought you might still want it."

Even though he had been clutching it in his hand, he looked down at it, seeming surprised. "Yeah. It got broken right before we left, so I took it off. Thanks." Jack nodded his thanks and shoved the watch in his pocket.

If Hurley was about to comment on that, he didn't let it show. He did, however, feel that the mood had turned serious. Which was appropriate for the _other_ topic he wanted to discuss, that had him running in the first place.

"Oh, I also wanted to tell you something- since I was helping out with the U- Haul crew and all that- boy those things are heavy- and I saw some stuff that I'd know you'd be interested, so I picked it up and ran with it. I mean, I'm sure no one saw or anything, but you can't really be sure-"

"Hurley, _what is it_?" Jack asked exasperatedly, cutting off the other man's nervous rambling.

"I mean_, this_." Hurley pulled out a manila folder- folded up twice lengthwise- from his back pocket underneath his shirt.

Jack frowned, looking at the folder. "What is it?" He asked, noting instead that Hurley looked extremely nervous.

"Um, I didn't really read it. I mean, I didn't know it was that marshall guy's stuff. But I got to see the first page, and it had Kate's name and face on it. With like, a list of aliases."

Hurley breathed, nervous. "That's when I stopped reading, and figured I should bring this to you." Hurley paused, hand still outstretched. "Rather than having someone else read it. You know.."

"Okay," Jack said slowly, taking the sheaf of papers off Hurley's hands. "So this is like-"

"Her file, or something," Hurley finished for him.

Jack noted that it was a slim file; a folder with only three or so pages. The print on the edges of the paper were smeared. Due to the water, he surmised.

"Um-" he started to ask, but Hurley interrupted, waving his hands in front of him.

"Nuh-uh. I didn't read it, Jack, I swear. I mean, _I'd rather not_. Ignorance is bliss and all that."

"I didn't mean-"

"No, I just wanted to make it clear. Cause you knew about the gun and the handcuffs and stuff from the beginning.

Keep it, burn it, ask her, throw it away. I mean I don't care, really. All I know's that it'd be better if the secret's with you rather than anyone else on the island."

Jack was silent. He took the folder, opened his backpack, and slipped the file in.

"Okay." Hurley breathed a sigh of relief. "Now I gotta get back to work."

"Hey, Hurley?" Jack asked as the other man was walking away. Hurley turned, and faced Jack expectantly.

"Thanks, man."

"No problem."

* * *

Some notes: Again, thanks for the feedback, folks. I'm still getting the hang of the Fanfiction format, so I'm going to tweak the chapter names and headings for the first two chapters of this story. I won't change the content though - although I regret cutting Ch 2 so short, but that's life for ya. Thanks again for taking the time to read. Feedback is always appreciated! 


End file.
